Father's Day almost always seems to be a time of joy for families, as dads are honored with neckties, power tools, and sports-related gifts. But, according to the National Fatherhood Initiative, About 40 percent of children in father-absent homes have not seen their father at all during the past year. That's 9.6 million children, enough to fill Giants Stadium more than 22 times. These children are haunted by the inner pain of Father's Day and the absent father that doesn't seem to care enough to share in joy of a watching a soccer game, receiving a good report card, attending a church play, or the pride of high school graduation. The first thing absent fathers need to do, at bare minimum, is make some form of contact. They should not, however, expect the reception of the Prodigal Son,. Once they have taken this first step, they can move on to other steps that require a bit more effort. Depending on the length of the absence, I recommend the following for absent fathers: - Make regular, consistent contact for a period of time until your child is ready to visit;
- Meet in a public place where there are other people, so your child feels safe;
- Be open to allowing them to take a friend or cousin, if they desire;
- Keep your appointment. This is your one chance to earn back some trust;
- Answer honestly any questions your child may ask;
- Dont make excuses for not being around-own your behavior;
- Avoid making promises you cannot keep;
- Establish a time when you will see them again and follow through.
Childrens reactions to meeting with an absent father will depend on each childs unique character. Likewise, their reaction may depend on their age level, coping skills, and support they receive from their mother. Therefore, an absent father must be flexible, understanding, and humble throughout this process. Finally, absent fathers should not try and over compensate for their absence by presenting lavish gifts, offering cash, or attending high-ticket events. What really matters for the child is knowing they have a father that cares about them, and this gift is priceless. |
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