What? Do the Full Monty in front of your partner? Are you completely nuts? There are some things best left hidden, best left to imagination. While integrity is key in any relationship, be it with a spouse, business colleagues, lover or child, the whole idea of "total transparency", is a load of rubbish. Do partners act as a little? Should they? Is it dishonest to fake it? Feign surprise or delight in place of boredom and irritation' Whyever not? Get real. The whole business of being "one hundred per cent true" is baloney. Even in the best of relationships, there is a small level of hypocrisy and playacting involved. Unlike most people, I see this as essential to the health of the relationship. It's not insensitivity that drives it, but actual and active sensitivity. Sounds paradoxical? Let me give you an example. Supposing your partner gets home tired and zoned out. Is it "hypocritical" or "sensible", to greet him/her cheerfully even if what you actually want to say or do is, "Oh, please... snap out of it... I'm tired too..." Actually speaking, the later response would be more "honest". But it would also be more hurtful. Relationships are too delicate to decode all that easily. Most couples believe it's easier to compromise. And they may be right. A little bit of playing dumb charades or "let's pretend", does not harm anybody. Nor does it fool anyone. Most mature relationships recognise the positive aspects of a little role playing. There is absolutely nothing wrong in the occasional white lie, the silly fib. To go on a guilt trip over that, is to waste guilt itself! Too many men think exactly the opposite when it comes to themselves. Being naked in front of your partner (emotionally and physically) is to say, "I trust you completely." But it does not mean there is no private space left for yourself to retreat into, ever again. At the end of the day, a solid relationship is based on the confidence levels you share with your partner. |
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